Valentine’s Day with “Good Girl” comedian Nikki Glaser

Nikki Glaser
Nikki Glaser on stage

Between a hit podcast, hosting HBO Max’s FBoy Island, competing on The Masked Singer, and her massively successful tour being extended, Nikki Glaser is one of the hottest comedians in the game today. I wasted no time getting down and dirty with the raunchy comic.

I have to start this interview by saying our previous interview was one of my favorite interviews ever. Primarily because it was so candid it required no editing.

Nikki Glaser: Thank you! I do so many interviews but I remember our last talk. I was excited to talk to you again.

The Good Girl Tour kicked off in 2022 and we are in 2024. This tour is going strong with dates constantly being added. Props to that.

NG: I started out working the comedy club circuit and tour names only became an element when I started booking theaters. The name of a tour is an arbitrary element in comedy. As a comedian, I am constantly on tour. I never take time off, so the tour name is just a means of marketing. While the name may remain, my content is constantly evolving. My material changes on a monthly basis. You can see me once a year and see almost entirely new material. It is nice to be doing something I am elite at. I have never been amazing at anything in life so now I have this freedom on stage and it feels good to be a pro.

I love your podcast, The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Studying analytics for mine Will Love Listen, I discovered my listeners’ favorite genre is comedy. I am stoked because that is the audience I resonate with the most. As a comedian, what do you like least about the industry?

NG: Honestly the reason the tour has not been renamed is because I don’t want to do another photoshoot. I just need to get a facelift before my next photoshoot because I hate having to look at myself. A huge part of my act currently is what it feels like to start the aging process. Although we complain about our looks in our twenties, you truly only start to notice it in your late thirties.

The vanity of the business is what I struggle with the most. I hate feeling my success is tied to maintaining a certain aesthetic. Despite it being comedy it is still a part of my brand even if I don’t want it to be. At the end of the day you are a packaged deal. We are not just our talent, which I hate, and I feel people can dismiss my desire to stay young and dismiss how it is tied to my relevance. Joan Rivers died on an operating table trying to stay young, and I will probably follow suit.

I do not think your feelings are isolated to those within your industry. The average person feels this to the same degree, if not more, than you. Unfortunately, the ever-growing insecurity with appearance became far worse with the rise of the Kardashians and the simultaneous digitalization of society. For example, after my last breakup, I felt so insecure I jumped into getting buccal fat removal and rhinoplasty.

Nikki Glaser
Nikki Glaser

NG: I like that you discuss the plastic surgery you had done because so many people lie about it and/or are ashamed of it. I want to get so much done but I don’t know how people do it because of the downtime. I don’t want to put myself through pain due to vanity yet I hate thinking I look like Dax Shepard in my promo pics.

I miss the days of taking pictures and not getting it back in weeks because you had to get it developed. I am not lame for wanting to get a brow lift, I just want more money, acceptance, and love in this world…and pretty people get it! When I look hot I get treated better by everyone. You live life in first class if you are super fuckable and I am tired of people shaming women and men for wanting to better their appearance. I do not think it is shallow if you want to hang on to those things because you are probably seeing the world for what it is, which is a shallow place where there is pretty privilege. It is actually a savvy thing to focus on in order to get ahead in life because money = protection = love. We are really just people who want love at the end of the day.

“I am allowed to feel fat and ugly. Don’t shame me for being honest.”

The hypocrisy of the entertainment industry became very apparent this past year. Recall several years back when everyone was preaching body positivity and body acceptance. Fast forward to now, Ozempic becomes mainstream, and boom all those personalities preaching the aforesaid are now on it. As someone in the industry, do you recognize the double standard?

NG: Thank you for calling out celebrities and this bullshit body acceptance. I have been shamed before because I have been outspoken about saying “I hate my body” when I am struggling. I am allowed to feel fat and ugly. Don’t shame me for being honest. There are celebrities who say “love your curves” yet behind the scenes are getting liposuction, Ozempic, doing fasts, and/or cleanses. Many celebrities don’t practice what they preach.

Nikki Glaser
Nikki Glaser

A former friend once told me I am setting a bad example for girls. You know what is a bad example? Lying about liking yourself when you don’t. Girls at home will see celebrities preaching they love themselves and instantly feel like they are failing. This trend of shaming people for feeling their feelings has to end. It is easy to go on Instagram, post a picture holding your cellulite, and feel like a martyr. This faux body acceptance trend is smoke and mirrors. People still hate fat people and discriminate against them. And don’t get me started on intermittent fasting, which is just anorexia endorsed by Joe Rogan. Now that I am successful and as I get more money, I want to do more to myself.

I can completely understand it now that you have the resources at your disposal, you almost feel obligated to partake in whatever the latest trend is.

NG: There is this guilt where I feel I should look like a Kardashian because I can afford to do so. I miss being broke at times because it provides me with limitations. Ultimately, there is no way to win everyone over. If you get work done, you are sad because you caved in. If you don’t, you are sad because you let yourself go. Fuck it and do you.

If it’s mentionable, it’s manageable. If we get to a societal point where people can comfortably discuss what they want done, got done, and why, people would not feel bad about themselves. The average person would feel more confident and comfortable in their own skin. If we knew the truth, we could compare ourselves with the information that is true, and not compare ourselves to the Kardashians who are constantly getting procedures done. We need to empower people to be more outspoken. The shame is keeping us insecure because we are comparing ourselves to people we don’t know the full story about. Our nation is severely depressed because of social media.

Social media is wreaking havoc on individual self-esteem, forcing people to accept open relationships even when they don’t want to, and making friendships competitive and dysfunctional. Is social media ruining romance too?

Nikki Glaser
Nikki Glaser

NG: Yes. I like it when I hear social media is reaching an apex. I was reading an article recently about millennials falling off social media because they view it as not being what it once was. As much as it pains me, what would my life be without it? When I step away there is no question my mental health improves. I also hate comments because of the negativity. Comments are always more negative than positive, you read them, then you start being influenced by them. I quit smoking, I quit drinking, and reading comments is the latest self-destructive habit I quit.

As a viewer, social media comments have crippled reality television. I despise all of the programs I previously enjoyed because the talent always gets influenced by the commentary. As a reality television host, do you agree?

NG: Comments are why the best seasons of reality television are always the early seasons because good talent often gets corrupted by comments and in turn alters their behavior. Trolls want you to hate yourself as much as they hate themselves. This is why you need to be cognizant of who you have in your life and who you ask for advice. We all have jealous friends around us and we don’t need to retain people who dim our light.

“one in eight women have been molested and one in 20 men. I think the men number is quite higher because it is more shameful for a man to admit this”

What are topics you plan to cover on these new tour dates?

NG: It is about having to laugh at the horror of life. I discuss aging, domestic violence, fear of commitment, molestation, monogamy, parenthood, battling anorexia, depression, suicidal thoughts, and the impending end of the world which seems around the corner. A lot of my act is admitting to my embarrassing thoughts and laughing at it all. If you can’t cry, you have to laugh.

I am discussing topics that if you did not laugh about it, you would cry about it. Why can we say my dad spanked me, but not that my dad fucked me!?

By discussing these taboo topics, you are making it mainstream to discuss. Kudos on the progressive stance!

NG: I looked up the statistics. Currently, one in eight women have been molested and one in 20 men. I think the men number is quite higher because it is more shameful for a man to admit this, especially a homosexual man because people like to tie sexuality solely to the trauma.

If everyone who has experienced this learned how many people went through the same thing, it would save lives. Making a topic shameful in a certain setting, such as a dinner party, only enables the wrong people. In my act, I discuss how molestation victims should be able to board planes before veterans. Be proud to be a survivor. This is why I relate to the LGBTQ community and usually only have this type of deep discussion with queer people. They have had to overcome something society has made them feel shameful about, and to be open, they have had to be brave. They have had to endure people groaning at them and ostracizing them. I admire and relate to the community because of this. There is courage that comes with being open with your sexuality.