Valentine’s Day gift ideas for 8 types of queers in your life

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thigh-bearing Drop Shoulder Onesie
A thigh-boaring drop shoulder Onesie

Valentine gifts and special occasion buying is difficult at best, anxiety-riddled at worst. What do you get the him, or her, who already has everything with specific tastes to boot? Play into stereotypes — that’s what. Identify where they fall on the spectrum of zero to glittered unicorn then shop this list of cherry-picked ideas.

2(X)ist Striped Union Suit
2(X)ist Striped Union Suit

The Instagram Thirst Trap 

2(X)IST’s soft, muscle-hugging Essential Cotton One-Piece Union Suit–the horizontal printed stripes of which optically flatter waists slim or a bit wider — accentuates all the right areas for maximum thirst-trap potential, but gay-owned Sheehan & Co.’s thigh-bearing Drop Shoulder Onesie is for the real showoffs. $59, 2xist.com; $140, sheehanandcompany.com

The Millennial Culture Vulture 

4K Ultra HD canvas depict frame
4K Ultra HD canvas depict frame

Hundreds of classic and contemporary works were cultivated to create a revolving gallery of established and emerging artists for Depict Frame, a 49-inch 4K Ultra HD digital canvas that works with a subscription-based app ($20/month but a complimentary collection is included) to instantly turn any living room into the Louvre. $899, depict.com

Limited Edition Avion Waterford Box
Limited Edition Avion Waterford Box

The Host With the Most 

Tequila gets a more sophisticated treatment than it’s used to in Pernod Ricard’s limited-edition Avión Collection by Waterford, featuring a luxury decanter and rocks glasses crafted by the famed crystal manufacturer, plus a 750ml bottle of Avión’s award-winning Añejo. $399, reservebar.com

The Perpetual Activist 

Raising respectful children who turn into respectful adults is harder than it looks (at least in Hollywood, and Washington, D.C., and most red states), but The Little Feminist hopes to reverse that trend with its children’s book and activity subscription focused on diversity and gender equality. It is a much-needed resource given that over the past five years only 31 percent of children’s books featured female central characters while a paltry 13 percent featured a person of color. Change the world one kid at a time with three, or six-month, subscriptions. $105-$200, thelittlefeminist.com

The Dapper Dandy 

Gamevice controll
Gamevice controller

Leather-strap embossing allows you to personalize the modern minimalism of newly launched Washington Square Watches (the navy-faced Greenwich Gold is a piece to behold), or stick to tradition with London-based Oliver Coen’s polished subdial pieces presented in a signature black box. $155, washingtonsquarewatches.com; $190, olivercoen.com

The Gotta-Have-It Gaymer 

The only mobile device controller to connect directly to Apple’s Lightning and Android’s USB-C ports for zero latency gaming, Gamevice — compatible with over 1,000 games and apps, including Street Fighter IV, NBA2K18 and The Walking Dead–also works as a controller for drones and robots (or so the AIs let you think). For stay-at-home console players, pick up holiday hot-tickets Destiny 2 and Call of Duty: WWII, based on the historical events of Operation Overlord and set in the European theater. $100, gamevice.com; games — $60/each, gamestop.com

The Loveable Lush 

Craft beer connoisseurs can enjoy their hobby in the comfort of their home thanks to Pico Model C, a countertop-brewing appliance that delivers five liters of liquid gold in about two hours, while the amateur mixologists on the other side of the bar whip up precisely portioned jigger-free cocktails with the Perfect Blend Smart Scale (which is great for healthy smoothies for you too). $549, picobrew.com; $100, makeitperfectly.com

RuPaul's "Paper Doll Book"
RuPaul’s “Paper Doll Book”

The Uber Gay 

Before he starts kissing ass and taking names at the 25th Winter Party in Miami Feb. 28 to March 6 (this is your cue to buy him tickets!), he’ll tap into his inner gayby to style the queens in RuPaul’s Drag Race Paper Doll Book, featuring 10 illustrated punch-out dolls plus costumes for eight winners and two all-stars, including Sharon Needles, Bianca Del Rio and Alaska Thunderfuck 5000 — among others. $25-$2,000, winterparty.com; book — $13, amazon.com