Thank a judge for Pride …well, some of them

Out Of The Broomcloset photo depiction by Leon Calafiore
Out Of The Broomcloset photo depiction by Leon Calafiore

Out of the Broomcloset

I am comforted as this column for the Pride issue is being set down, that the manifold blessings of liberty still hold sway, despite the bluster erupting from certain sectors of our current administration. That we still have a functioning government is something of a miracle, but proves that it is the workers, and not the bosses, who keep things running along. The old taunt, “If you’re so smart, why aren’t you rich” has it seems, suffered an inversion, and should now read, “If you’re so rich, why are you so inept?”

The real champions have been judges and lawyers. This is not to say that justice even approximates a well-structured system. However, compared to the other branches of government, it has proven to be the one least likely to having us run around as though our hair is on fire. So, thank you, imperfect old white dudes, for an independent Judiciary

As I mentioned earlier about old taunts, we do have an old taunt that is a bit of a problem, our current Attorney General, J.B. Sessions. While I am sure that there are some in the Federal Court system who are fine with his nomination, I have yet to hear one say it. I cannot speak personally to his character, or to the particular of his personal life. I am sure that he and his wife are ideally suited. I am fairly certain, considering the arc of history, that he is peculiarly ill-suited to be the mascot, the public face, of all those who labor to sort out the boundaries and limitations of our rights.

Saturn, the planet which influences the effects of boundaries, has been retrograde much of this year, forcing us up against it, forcing us to acknowledge things, and to deal with them. What better way to work with the influences at hand, than to utilize them to form a protective cyst, as it were, around those who would do us harm. What follows are the instructions to create a containment vessel, or witch bottle. Many hands make light work, so it is hoped that some of you, gentle readers, will follow along and participate; the more the merrier. This experiment works best on a Saturday (Saturn’s day), during a Waning Moon; Saturday, June 17, would be ideal.

Take a jar or jug (an old spice bottle will do fine). Then you need something to represent the offending party or parties. In the old days, it would be a cow’s heart, but nowadays, a drawing or photo will do fine (and one is conveniently available in this month’s illustration). This will be tied together with the tarot card of Justice (also provided). You can stick pins in the first picture, or otherwise mutilate it, but leave justice alone.

Place this in the jar, and fill it loosely with: bent pins (some barbed wire would be nice), bits of broken glass, and if you can manage it, a sliver of mirror, facing the target). The final ingredient is traditionally one’s own urine, but if none is handy, plain white vinegar will do. Cap this tightly, and seal with wax. I know, it does seem like some demented canning process, but who am I to change an heirloom recipe?

This now needs to be buried, upside down, traditionally in a stream bank, at a crossroads, or along a wall. As long as the intended target doesn’t do anything foolish, nothing will happen. Get a bit uppity, too big for one’s britches, however, and bam, it all rebounds onto them. Now that you have your instructions, get to work, go back to you summer plans, head held high, and full of Pride.

Leon Calafiore
Leon Calafiore

Leon Calafiore can be reached via his blog