Ray Welsh, who manages a home for individuals living with HIV/AIDS, was diagnosed with the virus when he was in his 20s and told he had only three years to live.
Now 55, Welsh is very much alive and resides in the Robert A. Harrison House in Paramus with six others. The Harrison House, which Welsh has managed for almost 16 years, was founded in 1992 by the HIV/AIDS support organization Buddies of N.J. Inc.
“I had no idea that I was going to end up living this long,” Welsh said.
In addition to the Harrison House, Buddies of N.J. Inc. provides services that include case management, medical case management, medical transport, treating mental health issues, providing treatment for substance abuse disorders, linking clients with housing, and offering prevention education. The organization also provides a safe space for LGBTQ youth.
“Anything that is needed to fill in the gaps for somebody living with HIV is what we do,” Welsh said.
Buddies of N.J. Inc. serves Bergen and Passaic counties. Its main office is located at 149 Hudson St. in Hackensack. The office can be reached by phone. The email address is info@njbuddies.org. Hours are from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Friday, and the organization asks that those interested call before they come.
Buddies has about 500 people whom the organization serves on a regular basis and provides testing and outreach, including connecting people with PrEP, to thousands of others.
Activities, observances, and celebrations during the fall and winter include a Halloween costume party hosted by a transgender support group, World AIDS Day observances each Dec. 1, and an annual holiday brunch in December.
For Welsh, getting to where he is today was a circuitous route on which he tried many different jobs and even considered the priesthood. Welsh was born and raised in Paterson, which he described as “a pretty safe but urban location.”
He attended Catholic grammar school, which he said imparted a lot of good values to him, and he added that the community in which he grew up was very family-oriented: “To me, life was all about loving one another.” Those values he was taught growing up have helped him in his current role.
Welsh attended William Paterson University in Wayne after graduating from Fair Lawn High School. In college, he was originally going to major in elementary education and physics.
“When I realized how much math was involved in physics that I couldn’t do, I started to cry,” he said with a laugh. He went with his second choice, which he said was the total opposite — sociology and anthropology.
Coming out of college, Welsh said, it was almost impossible to find a job. “I mean there was nobody hiring in social services or research or nothing. I mean not at all,” he said.
He worked for Electrolux, was an umpire, did DJ work, and had a carpet-cleaning business. “Everything you could possibly think of,” he said. Eventually, an HIV diagnosis led Welsh to his current role.
“And I think the more there’s assimilation and interaction with the rest of the world, I think the less chance you’re going to be stigmatized for an illness.”
When Welsh was 24 years old, he had a spiritual experience. He remembers sitting on the couch as the sun was coming through the window. “I was just thinking about nice things and all of a sudden I got really, deeply sad,” he said.
Welsh was saddened because he began thinking about all the good people who were getting sick and dying from AIDS. “I just said to God, I said that if there’s something that I can do to change all this and to let there be a cure, I wouldn’t mind if it happened to me, which was a stupid thing to say,” he said and began to laugh.
“And then year later, I ended up being diagnosed with HIV.”
Following his diagnosis, his life insurance policy was canceled; the insurance company sent him a $3,000 check, returning his premiums. “During that same year, I thought I was going to give up on gay dating and all this other stuff, and I thought that maybe I would become a priest.”
He sought counsel from a priest and told him he was gay and was accountable to the gay community. He said he would try celibacy but couldn’t promise he’d be forever. The priest told Welsh that those were not issues, and the only issues would be if he were promiscuous or if he were HIV-positive. “We are self-insured, and we could never afford that,” the priest told Welsh.
“That closed that door on me,” Welsh said. “Doors being closed and opened naturally is what led me to where I am now.”
Thinking he had only a short time to live, Welsh wanted to do something positive with his life. He had finally found and was working a good job in high-tech distribution, but he decided to work with inner-city kids on the weekends as a computer teacher.
“I just figured I just want to do something good with my life before it’s over,” he said.
Eventually, Welsh started volunteering for Buddies, and that led to him taking a position as manager of Harrison House nearly 16 years ago.
In addition to his job as manager, Welsh has taken on roles as a fundraiser. He also was president of the New Jersey AIDS Walk for three years. “I do a lot of community interaction. I’m kind of like the networker” in Bergen and Passaic counties.
Also, Welsh is very much involved with New Jersey HIV Planning Group, or NJHPG, which supports the state’s Department of Health, Division of HIV, STD, and TB services “in the planning, implementation, and evaluation of HIV prevention, care, and treatment services,” according to NJHPG’s website.
Welsh said the treatment of the disease has changed enormously since the 1980s, and the stigma is slightly better.
As for the treatment, those with the disease now usually take only one pill a day, instead of the medication cocktails of the past. The old medications caused a lot of inflammation in the body, and “inflammation is the key to make your body grow old quick,” he said. “So now that we have nontoxic drugs that actually stop the virus at different points of entry, it’s more likely that somebody’s going to live a longer life unless they’re doing other things to harm themselves.”
Welsh has seen the stigma surrounding the disease improve “slightly.” As LGBTQ people have been more accepted into the broader culture and are no longer seen in such a negative light, the idea that people who are HIV-positive or who have AIDS “deserved what they got” has waned, according to Welsh.
“And I think the more there’s assimilation and interaction with the rest of the world, I think the less chance you’re going to be stigmatized for an illness.” So now a lot of people look at HIV/AIDS as something that’s part of regular life, Welsh said. He used the analogy that if someone ate spinach and got salmonella poisoning and died, no one would say that person deserved that.
“Give me a break,” he said. “They’re doing something that’s normal. But the stigma is still here.”
For example, as recently as a year ago, he had people tell him that they don’t want others to know they are living in a house for people who are HIV-positive or who have AIDS. They would rather have others think they are in the house because of mental health or addiction issues. “So that’s how strong the stigma is for many people,” he said.
One of the most poignant experiences for Welsh during his time as manager was watching his first resident, Phil Gauran, live with and eventually succumb to the disease. Gauran was HIV-positive and also was infected with a virus known as CMV, which made him blind.
“And I got to watch somebody who had no anger, had no resentment, was kind to everybody, he was very well measured in everything that he did, and he did it all without being able to see anything, including light,” Welsh said, adding that his friend, who had been a nurse, died in October 2023.
Welsh noted that while circumstances surrounding HIV/AIDS have improved, the disease is not over, and Welsh will remain on the front lines in battling the illness and helping those who have it.
Richard Miles, Buddies’ executive director, would not be in his current position if he had not met Welsh. “I would be remiss if I didn’t get the opportunity to speak on his behalf,” Miles said. “Ray has been a dedicated employee; he’s been many things to many people.”
Miles said that before he became the executive director, he was a retail store manager, and Welsh tried to get the business where Miles worked involved in a New Jersey AIDS Walk. “I saw the effort and the dedication that he brought to the table, so I had no choice but to support him,” Miles said.
Over time, Miles became an advocate and volunteer for Buddies, and that advocacy and volunteerism increased over time. Miles eventually became a board member, and later the opportunity presented itself for him to take over the organization, a role he has had since 2019.
“None of that would have happened without Ray connecting the dots for me,” Miles said. He added that Welsh is the kind of person who “wears his heart on his sleeve. He is truly an advocate. He will help anybody in any situation” and “will stop at nothing” to make sure people get the support and help that they need.
