Listen Mary


Dear Mary:
My elderly parents came for a weekend visit with my lover and me. Dad noticed a bottle of blue pills in the bathroom and asked what they were. I told him they were Viagra. He wanted to try one. I said I didn’t advise it because they were powerful and expensive. He said he didn’t care and asked what they cost. I told him they cost me $10 a pill. He said they had to leave very early to catch a plane but he’d put the money under the pillow. The next day I found $110 under the pillow. What should I do? Should I tell him he misunderstood – that his hearing is failing? His feelings might be hurt.

Viagraed in Vineland

Dear Vi:
Dad didn’t misunderstand anything honey. $10 is from him. The hundred is from your mom. Keep the money and shut up.

Dear Mary:
I’m an incredibly cute Olympic figure skater who has just taken a ton of gold medals. I’m being offered millions in endorsement fees. I’m trying real hard to act straight but
It seems I just can’t resist the need to rise to my toes and flutter my hands. What can I do?
Skating On Thin Ice

Dear Skate:
Lead boots and prozac sweetheart, until the check is in the bank – then call me. You can flutter your hands all over me and I won’t tell a soul who doesn’t read my column.
Love, Mary