Holigay gift guide pandemic edition

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Work from home survival kit
Work from home survival kit

Holidays in a global pandemic are a strange thing to navigate

Well, congratulations. We’re on the home stretch. We’ve just about made it through 2020. Now, holidays in a global pandemic are a strange thing to navigate. As COVID-19 cases rise, our holidays might look a little different. Large families toil with the idea of getting together for the holidays, it’s a strange time to deck the halls and many people won’t be home for Christmas this year. But it doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate, celebrate one another, and give some great gifts.

Clone a willy in many colors
Clone a willy in many colors

Clone-A-Willy
Been stuck at home with your significant other for seven months? Out of sync in the bedroom from time to time between Zoom calls and the Groundhog Day from hell? Well, we’ve found a way to not only blow off some steam but also give you and yours some time apart…together! Arts and crafts with a twist. Nothing says holiday cheer like making vibrating replicas of your own genitalia and cheerfully telling your partner to go fuck themselves. You can find these at many local novelty stores, and online at most major retailers… except Hobby Lobby as I’m sure it’s not their type of arts and crafts. By the way, they also make a Clone-A-Pussy, how bipartisan! cloneawilly.com

JJ Malibu "Musky brief"
JJ Malibu “Musky brief”

JJ Malibu
Looking for cute attire for the gym? Looking for cute attire for someone else to wear at the gym? Maybe a crop top or a titty tank to keep you warm during the holidays? Better yet, what about a pair of nipple clamps with sleigh bells to spread Christmas cheer? Well, we’ve found the place for you.

JJ Malibu is iconic for selling cute, sexy, kinky clothing, complimentary for lots of different body types and super comfortable. Often offering free shipping and running holiday discounts, check out JJ Malibu for you or yours. jjmalibu.com

Pure for men colon cleaner kit
Pure for men colon cleaner kit

Pure for Men
Before you take your own dick for a spin, stay clean and stay ready with this all-natural cleanliness supplement. Pure for Men uses fiber to ensure a clean, healthy colon, making it easier when preparing for a nice evening. Or morning. Or afternoon. Because what is time in 2020? Pure for Men’s Stay Ready Kit includes a fiber supplement, deodorizing soap, exfoliating scrub, hydrating lotion and Stay Ready Wipes, guaranteeing that you’re rip ready to go. Not a bottom? Not a problem. These fiber supplements also help your digestive tract to stay healthy. No cock? Fear not. Pure for Her offers the same fantastic results. For our readers, take 10% off your purchase with Promo Code: OIJ10 at pureformen.com.

Our moments game for couples
Our moments game for couples

Our Moments Couples
If a clone of your willy, a good pre-romp cleanse, and an at home COVID-19 test doesn’t scream romance, then this might. With 2020 forcing us to share in each other’s company more than ever before, the need to keep the flame burning is imperative. Our Moments Couples: 100 Thought Provoking Conversation Starters for Great Relationships help couples maintain the spark relationships need to keep it ablaze. our-moments.co

Rawlogy at home massage balls
Rawlogy at home massage balls

Rawlogy
Rawlogy is a Certified LGBT Business Enterprise specializing in making your body feel better. With the stress of 2020 having a tough toll on our bodies, what more could relax us than an at-home massage? Well, since an at-home masseuse isn’t so readily available, the next best thing is an “e-cool-logically” cork stress ball and massage roller, great for sore, tired or tense muscles. These ultra light, eco-friendly, ethically produced, and travel-ready, cork massage balls and rollers offer a premium self-massage experience wherever you are. You can check it out at rawlogy.com.

CBD Massage oil from Papa and Barkley
CBD Massage oil from Papa and Barkley

CBD Massage Oil
With Papa & Barkley’s CBD Body Oil, you’ll be sure to maximize your well-deserved relaxation. Infused with Jojoba, Vitamin E, and essential oils, this CBD body oil is perfect for taking care of aches and pains, be it an isolated area or larger area. papaandbarkley.com

Mask 4 Mask
The queer fashion brand Marek + Richard brings a new product line in their production of LGBTQ inspired masks for men and women. With fun, quirky, sexy, salty styles, you’ll find plenty of great gifts to spread the holigay cheer, and it’s a great way to support a small LGBTQ owner and operated business. marekrichard.com.

Optix-55 Fog Gone for your glasses
Optix-55 Fog Gone for your glasses

Fog Gone
Speaking of masks, if wearing a mask makes your loved one’s glasses fog up like the mirror after a steamy shower, give the gift of Fog Gone. Prevents the fogging up of your glasses as we “Darth Vader” it through this pandemic. optix55.com

Work From Home Survival Kit
Many of us are luckily working from home. Why not make it fun with some cool office supplies. Consider a whiteboard, high definition webcam (multi-purpose one might say), or the Work From Home Survival Kit from Uncommon Goods. You can find this gem (photo at beginning of article) and other fun gifts at uncommongoods.com.

Shop Local
Even though we’re not going out as much, shopping local has never been so important. Small businesses impacted by Covid-19 are suffering on a new level that could shut their doors forever. Local shops in our charming New Jersey towns have a lot to offer, often selling super cool, unique gifts. From Clinton to Chester, Asbury Park to Cape May, Frenchtown to Lambertville, take a ride on your day off, slap on your mask, try not to touch doorknobs, and support your local businesses this holiday season.

Johnny Walsh
Johnny Walsh is Out In Jersey’s special features editor. He is a pianist, writer, and entrepreneur who has performed in over 20 states and two countries. Johnny is passionate about human rights, creativity, and the arts, and longs for the sentiment of social justice to flow through his writing.