Hanki Panki: Flag your issue


Jersey Fresh 

Some lovers’ quirks you can deal with. Fingernail biting. Minor messiness. Overzealous commitment to the slam poetry scene. However, living with other bad habits can make your life, simply put, suck. For example, my mom managed to hand-pick not one, but six husbands who had a wee problem with the drink. What was she thinking? “Hmm, my last five marriages to alcoholics ended in financial ruin, emotional chaos and the disintegration of my entire nuclear family. But you know, this alcoholic is the right one. I know it’ll work out this time.”

So how do you avoid hooking up with someone who is assuredly NOT right for you? Someone who, for example, is fast on the road from Absolut pride to Absolut liver failure? I’d like to see a renewed commitment to the hankie code, with some specific additions:

  • Bright orange background, decorated with pictures of traffic lights that have both red and green lights illuminated. Communicates: “Beware, mixed signals ahead.”