Guns for everyone

Casting Aspersions 

That paragon of personal courage, “Bonespurs” Trump, has assured us he would rush into a school shooting unarmed. Hmmm… that’s probably too much to hope for, and since he’d be surrounded by a troop of Secret Service agents anyway, he’d probably survive. Of course his plan to arm teachers to fight gun violence does raise the odds against his personal survival in such a situation. On the whole I think Trump would be well advised to remain out in the sidewalk.

The fact that Trump’s plan to arm teachers is absolute lunacy is no bar to it actually happening. Lunacy has been the order of the day ever since the current president took office. However, since we are taking policy from the NRA rather than from teachers, students, police and parents, why stop with teachers?

Why not arm the janitors – the cafeteria staff — the street crossing guards — why not selected students? Let’s just give everyone a gun and see who survives — thus dredging the gene pool of losers.

Upon entering high school, each new freshman will be issued a laptop, a school T-shirt, a pencil case, and a Colt 45. Instead of basketball, coaches will conduct firing range and quick draw practice weekly.

I can see the consequences. One fine day a teacher spots a student coming down the hall with a long, dark object under one arm, It’s an umbrella, but the teacher is taking no chances. She pulls her weapon and shoots. A new substitute teacher who doesn’t know the staff by sight assumes the first teacher is an invading lunatic and shoots her. In the now smoke filled and chaotic hall, all guns start blazing. A flying squad of lunch ladies takes out the janitorial staff. Two ferocious secretaries settle scores with several teachers who haven’t been handing in their attendance reports in a timely fashion. The senior administrators lock themselves in the principal’s private bathroom where they are killed by hand grenades dropped down the vent pipe.

Finally, a heavy weapons tactical unit from the Parent Teachers Association mops up the whole place with no survivors. Mission Accomplished. Once everyone is dead, Trump can rush into the building and tweet that his plan worked. The shooters are eliminated and the building is now safe. Another victory for the Donald!

Just in case anyone hasn’t already realized the obvious, it is safe to assume Trump doesn’t think for a minute that his idea of arming teachers is actually going to get off the ground. Even if, just for a minute he really did think so, the solid, horrified opposition of almost every teacher in the country should have let him know it just isn’t happening.

That’s all right however because the idea is serving its real purpose very well indeed. It is a diversionary tactic Trump has cooked up, probably in collusion with the loathsome mouth breather Wayne LaPierre, head of the NRA. He is a “white, Christian nationalist” if ever there was. This simple, though appalling, plan is a way to direct attention away from the real issue — eliminating high powered assault weapons.

It is working too. The media is all over the idea. Assault weapons limits and bans are fading into the mist.

In every and any way we can, we have to help the amazing kids from Parkland keep up their crusade to hold officialdom’s feet to the fire regarding the real issue of school safety — getting those weapons of mass death off the streets entirely.

Out In Jersey magazine's Editor Emeritus Toby Grace
Out In Jersey magazine’s Editor Emeritus Toby Grace

Toby Grace is Out In Jersey magazine’s Editor Emeritus. Read Toby Grace’s last commentary on this subject from Toby Grace.