Booty and the beach: Swimwear to accentuate your assets

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Reyn Spooner
Reyn Spooner

Shake what your mama gave you in a kaleidoscope of prints and patterns eager to get soaking wet 

Step onto any gay beach — from Miami’s Haulover to Asbury Park’s 5th Ave. to Will Rogers Beach in Los Angeles — and you’ll bear witness to a veritable fashion show of loosey-goosey board shorts, fitted trunks, and skintight Speedo-like swimwear. While anything goes on the summer’s sandy shores — especially if the area is clothing optional (better pack those dark lenses!) — this year’s styles continue last year’s thighs-the-limit trend with a twist: Button-closure shorts with waist-specific sizing. Here we cultivate some of the more stimulating designs for 2017 with a smattering of tradition thrown in, for good measure.

 

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Penguin's "King of the Jungles"
Penguin’s “King of the Jungles”

The King of the Jungles

You won’t have to cast a wide net to bring all the bottoms to your beach towel in Original Penguin’s lion photo-print snap-togethers that are anything but cowardly. Mesh briefs on the inside help keep your animal in its cage. $79, originalpenguin.com

Andrew Christian's "Kiss Me" bikini
Andrew Christian’s “Kiss Me” bikini

The DSL’s

Loose lips sink ships but the open mouth print on Andrew Christian’s Kiss Me bikinis—featuring a snuggle pocket to hug your goodies just right—will have the Navy’s finest bellowing “Land Ho!” But how’d they know your name? $41, andrewchristian.com

The "Aloha-You-Doin" Island print
The “Aloha-You-Doin” Island print

The Aloha-You-Doins

Hawaii-based designer Reyn Spooner emphasizes “Mai iloko mai” — which translates to “That which is within matters” — in his island-inspired, above-the-knee board shorts constructed with four-way stretch, a drawstring tie with Velcro closure, and UPF 50 protection, available in colors like ink, smoke, and seafoam. $75-$85, reynspooner.com

Craghoppers "Royal Tenenbaums"
Craghoppers “Royal Tenenbaums”

The Royal Tenenbums

While England likely doesn’t top your list of must-plan summer getaways, Craghoppers’ Northbeach shorts, photo-printed with a breezy British seascape, are fortified with Solar Shield Zinc Oxide UPF 40+ protection and an anti-chlorine finish to prevent fading so you can turn up at the hotel pool on this side of the pond. $60, craghoppers.com

"Top to Bottoms"
“Top to Bottoms”

The Top-to-Bottoms

Versatility best describes the multi-purpose, bold-hued floral mid-thighs from Descendant of Thieves — they’re just as legit on the beach as they are in a bar — that you’ll wish your one-way boy toy would take a cue. $89, descendantofthieves.com

The Polly Wanna Partys

Fans of ABC’s Shark Tank will feel fully vested in the Caribbean-influenced parrot-print trunks from Tipsy Elves — shark Robert Herjavec made a deal in 2013 with founders Evan Mendelson and Nick Morton, providing a $100,000 investment for 10% of the company — but your pair will only set you back a coupla Jacksons. $40, tipsyelves.com

The Schools

Frat-tastic Chubbies continues its foray into snap-shut shorts — its ‘sky’s out, thighs out’ elastic waists have dominated its swim collection for the past few years – with a few new additions for summer ’17. Seven designs in all, from mono-colored to wild prints—like this salt-water fish style — feature four-way stretch fabric and a zipper-close back pocket for all the important documents you’ll need to take a dip. Anything can happen these days. $70, chubbiesshorts.com