You just can’t make this stuff up

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Mary Lambert "Welcome to the age of my body"

casting aspersions.

Writers of novels and movie scripts keep trying to come up with new twists and turns to the human condition but we continually see that you just can’t improve on real life for sheer madness and bizarre behavior. April brought new proof of that with the conviction and seven-year jail sentence of a New York State Senator.

Carl Kruger was accused and convicted for (admittedly) taking a half million dollars in bribes for schemes that stretched back many years. Pols on the take is about as news-worthy as ‘Dog Bites Man’ but this case has a very special convolution. Kruger, is a long-time opponent of marriage equality. He was funneling this money to his secret boyfriend, Dr. Michael Turano. And it gets even better. The whole time, Kruger was living with Turano, Turano’s brother (another doctor) AND Turano’s mother, who helped the project along by pretending to be Kruger’s girlfriend. Tsk, Tsk – what a mother won’t do for her son!

Michael Turano, a gynecologist (which proves some gay men do like pussy), a decade younger and way better looking than the bald and dumpy senator, has been sentenced to two years in prison for his part in receiving the loot.

Considering his immediate future, it is helpful that Turano is experienced in “receiving.” One can’t help observing that, if the senator likes them younger, there are plenty of boys on the internet who would have worked for far less than a half million. Of course, considering Kruger and Turano’s tearful courtroom embrace and whispered sweet nothings just before being hauled off to durance vile, it may have been true love. Or it may have been that half million that the court wants back—in cash please. Either situation can easily produce tears.

Mom, meanwhile, in the back of the courtroom, now deprived of son, fake boyfriend and a stream of unearned income, wept copiously and declared the whole thing a “crucifixion”… A suggestion, considering Kruger’s long record of opposition to LGBT equality, we can only regret the court did not take more literally. Lest we be accused of a lack of sympathy, we can extend this consolation to the grieving mother: Honey, you’ll almost certainly be offered a movie deal for this one. Get Danny DeVito to play the Senator.

(Credit to Matty Daley for the pussy line.)

 

casting aspersions.

Writers of novels and movie scripts keep trying to come up with new twists and turns to the human condition but we continually see that you just can’t improve on real life for sheer madness and bizarre behavior. April brought new proof of that with the conviction and seven-year jail sentence of a New York State Senator.